Love and support in uncertain times
Dean and Patti lived quite a life in their 32 years of marriage. They raised 4 kids and 2 grandchildren in the home they created together, and also enjoyed lots of travels and adventures. Unfortunately as they got older, Patti’s Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) worsened and her lungs began to give way. After a long battle, Patti was admitted to SSM Health St. Anthony Hospital in Oklahoma City. The doctors ran several tests and checks, and ultimately the couple was encouraged to receive palliative care through SSM Health at Home.
“Accepting that you are at a point where you need more help is the hardest thing,” said Dean. “But once we made that decision, the rest of our decisions became easier.”
As palliative care transitioned to hospice care, Dean felt confident that they made the right decision.
“As I think back on our journey, I start second guessing every decision, every move I made, and whether or not it helped or hindered Patti’s progress. The hospice nurses were taking care of me just as they were taking care of my wife,” said Dean.
Dean reflected that they felt more sure and more confident with decisions being made along Patti’s journey having the support of the hospice nurses behind them. In the middle of a health emergency, the level of overwhelm and decision fatigue is at an all-time high. Plus, the emotional toll of watching a loved one suffer is significant.
“It’s hard to think of the right next step. It’s hard to decide. Having someone walk beside you in love and support is invaluable,” Dean said.
When the end became nearer, it was clear Patti was trying to communicate something. The hospice nurses were constantly talking with her and were so in tune that they even developed special ways of communicating with Patti even though she could no longer speak. Dean explained how Patti was asking for her breathing mask to be removed. The nurses recognized this and sat with Patti and Dean for a long time, explaining next steps, praying with them, and wrapping them in love and reassurance.
“Every time I think about what they did I become emotional. For that time they were truly family members. We couldn’t have been loved on any better,” said Dean.
With Dean and Patti’s blessing, it was clear the time had come. The hospice nurses cleaned Patti, put her favorite pajamas on and gave the extended family ample time to say goodbye.
“The only thing I had to worry about was saying goodbye to my wife and getting closure and peace at the end after a long, long time of making big and heavy decisions all alone. They took care of everything else,” Dean reflected.
After Patti died, the hospice nurses stayed in touch with Dean. They attended Patti’s funeral to pay their respects. SSM Health St. Anthony’s also put on a memorial service for the families that had been in hospice care, which gave Dean additional time and space to grieve, and also reconnect with nurses who had become family.
“I just wish we had adopted hospice care earlier. The experience was worth everything. The way we were loved and supported… It's like nothing I had expected or experienced before. Patti and I both felt loved and at peace,” said Dean.
For more information about home health resources available, visit SSM Health at Home.